She was finally going to find out what her mother had been like. Maggie could picture her in her mind. She was beautiful with her dark, mahogany brown skin and intense, dark eyes. Maggie could only count on an hour alone. She went into Donnell’s room with its big bed and boring, neutral decor. Crawling on her stomach, she reached under his bed and pulled out a shoe box. She listened to make sure Donnell wasn’t coming back early, then opened it.
She smiled warmly at the photographs inside. There was the one with her mom and her dad, not yet fat, sitting inside a dark cafe with another young, lighter skinned Black couple. There was a photo of her mom in a forest with an Indian woman with an eye patch and two young men. They all looked very serious. Her favorite picture was of her mother in the desert. Her head was thrown back laughing. She had on a necklace with a pendant that looked like a small, tumbleweed. The same Indian woman was in this photo too and also laughing. Her mother’s life seemed adventurous and full of friends. The exact opposite of Maggie’s.
Maggie had looked for the tumbleweed necklace many times before when Donnell was gone. But she decided to look again. She checked every drawer in the long, brown dresser and even got a stool from the kitchen to search the top shelf in the closet. It was hopeless. There was nowhere left to look.
She put the box of photographs on the bed and flopped down beside it. Then she felt something small and hard. Her breathing quickened. She reached underneath the gray comforter and pulled out the tumbleweed necklace. It was heavy bronze. And it wasn’t quite a tumbleweed, but a strange plant closed in a ball. She stared at it feeling closer to her mother than she ever had before. She thought of her mother’s mother, the grandmother Maggie had never known. A tear slid down Maggie’s cheek. She imagined her mother wiping it away as her grandmother patted her back.
Maggie carefully took off the red wedding beads and put on the not tumbleweed necklace. It sort of gave her the same feeling as her dad’s song. Maybe the necklace would bring her adventure too.
Her warm feeling was interrupted by a wave of anxiety. Her dad would be home soon. It had been an hour. She put the photos back in their box under the bed and smoothed the gray comforter with the precious necklace tucked beneath and put back on the red wedding beads.
She decided to add to her room art. She needed to be doing something that wouldn’t get her into trouble when her dad came back. She opened her closet and pulled out the clear plastic box of her paint markers from the floor. It was risky, but she pulled out the bronze paint marker and began to draw the necklace on the wall behind her bed. Her dad wouldn’t be likely to see it there. When she was done, she looked at the clock on the wall. It had been two hours. Why wasn’t he back yet? Maybe some of the ingredients were hard to find.
She saw her own version of the spider in the circle and touched it defiantly. She’d drawn several versions of it when she was younger. Online classes in a few years. She knew it was pointless, but she went to her computer in the living room to research colleges. Who cared if her dad caught her doing it?
Her stomach growled. How long had it been? She looked at the clock in the kitchen. Three hours. She went to the phone on the wall in the kitchen and dialed her dad’s phone number. It went straight to voicemail. Maggie’s feeling of unease grew into anxiety. She decided to clean her room. By the time she finished organizing all her markers and paints and sewing supplies and refolded her carefully altered vintage clothes to perfection, even Abbey whining and pacing. Could something have happened to her dad?
Any minute now, her dad was going to come through the door with a crazy story about how he couldn’t find the spice mix and he’d forgotten to charge his phone and he’d gotten lost somehow. She sat on the brown sofa and stared at the clock in the kitchen.
She decided to call his phone again. This time, she decided to leave a voicemail. She tried to keep her voice steady. “Hey dad, it’s me. Hope everything is okay. Call me.”
As she watched the clock hands move to mark four hours since Donnell had left, Maggie knew something was wrong. Was he mad at her for trying to touch the spider? Was he coming back? Maggie was having trouble breathing. Why wasn’t he back? Should she go look for him? It was hard for her to imagine walking out there alone. She’d wait some more.
It was late afternoon now. Her stomach was still growling, so she opened the white refrigerator and stared. She closed it. There was food, but she couldn’t eat. If she left, what if he came back, and she was gone? She didn’t have a cell phone despite begging for one many times. She went back to Donnell’s room and got the necklace.
Maggie sat cross legged facing the door, staring at the stupid spider, holding the not-tumbleweed pendant in her fist. It made her feel a little better. Abbey curled up on her lap as much for his comfort as for hers. An image of Donnell alone and bleeding, passed out on the ground came unbidden into her mind. She was shaking. It would be dark before too long. If she was going to look for him, it had to be now or tomorrow. Tomorrow was way too long to wait.
She would go. He might need help. Making the decision helped her feel a little better at least. She looked up the way to the closest grocery store on her ancient computer, got Abbey’s leash, and put on her maroon velvet blazer over her gray silk blouse and put both necklaces back in their places. She left a note on the kitchen counter in case her dad came back before she did. She made a deal with herself. She was only going to look for one hour at the grocery store, then she’d come back whether she found him or not..
She opened door 864 and paused. A chill breeze ruffled her curls. This was the first time she would walk out the door alone. Without her dad holding her hand. Her hands were shaking so much she was having trouble holding Abbey’s leash. The world outside was dangerous. What was she thinking? She couldn’t find her dad somewhere … out there. She turned back around and ran back to her dad’s room and put the bronze pendant necklace on. She needed all the help she could get.
She paused again as she stood at the threshold and glanced back one more time. The empty apartment with all the lights out wasn’t something she wanted to go back to. She couldn’t sit there alone and scared anymore.
Taking a deep breath, she gripped the leash a little tighter and stepped through the doorway. She was going to try to find her father. And hopefully, he didn’t kill her for leaving when she found him.
—
The walk was a strange, new experience. She’d always gone in Donnell’s old, black Honda Civic on their trips to the library and the thrift shop. A car flew by, and she flinched. It was so fast and felt too close. The smells of exhaust and asphalt and trash cans were strong. She kept walking.
She told herself Abbey could protect her. She wondered what or who was hiding in the bushes that were just beginning to sprout leaves beneath the still skeletal trees. She and Abbey both jumped when the wind rustled the leaves. She saw a group of teenagers walking in her direction. She crossed to the opposite side of the street. Her dad’s warnings echoed in her head. Don’t trust anyone. Never draw attention to yourself. People will try to hurt you. But she had to find him.
After walking for an hour, Maggie finally stood in front of the Safeway. There were so many people. She heard crying and turned behind her to see a woman pushing a cart with a baby in it. She’d couldn’t remember if she’d seen a baby in person before. She saw a young couple holding hands and carrying shopping bags. There were teenagers in uniforms pushing long rows of rattling shopping carts. She didn’t realize she was backing away until she bumped into something. “Ahh!” she yelled and spun around.
It was a middle aged man in a gray hoodie looking at her oddly. “Watch yourself,” he said sternly. Then he kept walking toward the big glass doors that opened automatically for him.
She took a deep breath and walked up to the doors. She had to do this or her terrifying walk here would have been for nothing. When they opened, she ran through before they could close on her. Okay. She had made it to the store and made it inside. She could do this. Her dad might be inside right now.
She looked for the closest, least intimidating person in a uniform. She saw a young pale girl who didn’t look much older than her. The girl was staring at Maggie staring at her. She didn’t know what to say. She’d never talked to anyone besides her dad and a few small shop workers. This whole rescue operation might have been a bad idea, but she didn’t have any other ones.
The girl raised her eyebrows and asked “Can I help you?”
“Uh, yes. I’d like to speak to the manager. Please.” That was how people did things in movies. Maggie pulled her blazer together wondering if she looked and sounded weird as weird as she felt.
“Uh, you can’t, like, have dogs in here,” the girl said.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know.” Maggie was embarrassed. There was definitely a lot she didn’t know about the world. “I guess I’ll wait outside.”
After making her way back outside, Maggie watched the darkening sky nervously. She needed to find her dad soon. A few minutes later, a thin, young man walked through the automatic doors. He had a light brown mustache that matched his khaki pants. His name tag read “Tom, Manager.” Maggie instantly didn’t like him. He looked amused.
“Well hello there, little lady.” His voice was surprisingly high pitched. “You look a bit young to be out here on your own, but how can I help you?”
“I’m plenty old enough.” She thought of her dad’s warning. People will try to hurt you.
“You’re missing a button on your jacket,” said Tom, the manager, pointing with his finger a little too close for Maggie’s comfort. She took a small step back.
Maggie replied with the first thing that came to her mind. “Who cares about a button? I’m actually missing my dad.” Based on the look on Tom’s face, Maggie could tell that was not a normal thing to say.
“Oh, well, I’m not sure I can help with that. I’m sure he’ll visit you soon.” Tom bent down with his hands on his knees to be at Maggie’s eye level. How dare he treat her like a little kid? She was a high school graduate.
She tried to sound grown-up. “You don’t understand. He’s missing. I’m looking for him. Have you seen him?”
“Well, I’m sorry about that, young lady. Let’s get you sorted.” Tom put his hand on her shoulder, and Maggie immediately jumped back. Tom said “Jumpy little thing, aren’t you? Do you have a picture of him? Or I can announce his name over the intercom.”
Shoot. She should have thought of bringing a picture, but she didn’t want to draw attention by using the intercom. Her dad would be even more furious about that.
“I can describe him maybe. He’s big, bald, fat, and black. Has hazel eyes and … and …” she couldn’t think of how else to describe him.
“Can you tell me what he was wearing?” asked Tom.
She should have thought of that. Why did stupid Tom make her feel so dumb?! “He was wearing a gray jacket, a white t-shirt, and blue jeans.” Maggie suddenly realized that Donnell always dressed in a completely non-descript way. Never draw attention to yourself. Her velvet maroon jacket was a terrible idea. She felt panic rising.
“Well, little lady, that’s not much to go on. But if you’re missing a parent, we should call someone who can help. Why don’t you bring your little doggie friend into my office, yeah?”
Don’t trust anyone. Maggie was not going to Tom’s office, but she didn’t know how to end the conversation. So she simply ran with Abbey. She didn’t even know where she was running to.
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